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"I poured myself into my career, and I had this great job [at a marketing agency] that took me around the world, which also helped me not build relationships because I was moving from country to country about every six to eight months or a year," she tells me.
When Effy eventually settled in New York City and discovered the city's sex-positive community, she recognized her own sexual and romantic identity in the polyamorists she met.
A primary relationship, a life partner, is something that is part of my structure, and then I have relationships with a few other partners that are deep, long-term relationships and connections that I actively nurture.
For example, my partner that I mentioned who is getting married, he and I have been dating for three years.
You’d have to know some sort of etiquette because it’s an unfamiliar ground, and sex parties are the same.' I was like, 'I don’t know, maybe you feel okay about it? ' I remember that moment very clearly — ."Then I came to New York, and I decided that New York was going to be home, that I wasn’t going to travel anymore, and one of the things that I was really interested in exploring was my kinky side.I was so off relationships, but I really wanted to explore my sexual expression, and through the world of kink, I was introduced to polyamory.Effy Blue does not believe that one relationship size fits all.It's a belief that is hard-won from her repeat attempts — and failures — to adhere to the dictates of monogamy.